Today I´m angry!!!. a friend called late last night and made my husband upset. I know he was allready upset but he rupted his shell. He has all the right to be worried and sad but everybody donsn´t have to say the same thing.
Ok I´m gonna explain. EVERYBODY around me is worried, and I understand that. Everybody finds the doctors decicion to wait with the treatment weired. And I do to. But I have talked to the doctor, I have told her about my problem, They did a MRT, and they dicieded that it wasen´t a emergency. I CAN´T DO ANYTHING MORE!!! To hear everyone tell me that they should have helped me, that this is wrong etc, thats hearts so bad!!! I´m already so depressed that they arn´t going to help me, and I´m supriced that they don´t think that this is a problem. all my friend want to take me to the hospital but I´m so affraid that if they do and the doctors send me home, my life´s gonna end. I´m gonna break down. I´m allready on the edge. I´m trying so hard to stay positive and strong when all I want to do is break down and cry. I´m thankful for all the support, but please stop saying that this i s wrong!! I know that. I live every second of the day with the fear of losing my right side or dying!!
I never in my life felt this alone and hopeless. If the doctors don´t think this is important, then what is?
What has to happen for them to help me? Do I have to die before I get any help? Please stop nagging on me and do something youre self. I can´t do anything more, and I don´t have the strenght. Be worried but let me be sad, tired, and worried to. Sometimes i wonder who is really sick? Who is it that is living with this thing in my head, who is it that dosen´t know if tomorrow exist. I don´t want to be strong anymore.