Hello everyone,
Yesterday I wen’t to UVA to have yet another MRI to check the status of my AVM and the swelling around it. I was scared and nervous and almost didnt want to know. We got home last night and eventhough I was beyond exhausted, I couldnt sleep. I couldn’t help but think about everything, what it would feel like if I was told im still not better or how I would feel or what I would do if by some miracle they finally told me the AVM was finally gone, the brain swelling was going down and I wouldn’t need another Avastin treatment. But I guess this year I’ve gotten used to not getting my hopes up because all that did was set me up for heartbreak. The drive back to UVA felt very short this morning, I was so scared but I tried to keep it to myself. We walked in to the nureosurgeon’s office, we were an hour early so I was prepared to wait, but they took me back very quickly. That didn’t help my nerves. I couldnt help but think something was wrong. They did the normal neurological tests, i’m still very weak on my left side but I knew that. They finally got to my MRI results and they were all amazed! They told me my AVM is 95% gone and I have a very small amount of brain swelling. I couldn’t believe it! They told me I just need to come back in the next month or two to have an angiogram and one last MRI to be 100% sure the avm is completly, 100% closed off and gone. They are weaning me off the steroids and oxycontin finally, then want to slowly wean me off the 14 other meds im on. They left the room so they could do paperwork. I just sat there staring at the pictures of my brain, I almost didnt want to belive it just yet because I was so scared they were going to come back and say they made a mistake. But when the nurse who has been there for me through this entire year came in and told me I can have my life back and that I can finally enjoy being 20. At that moment I knew it was real and I have finally made it through this incredibly hard year and I started to cry. When the doctors first tell you that you have a rare brain condition and they dont know how long it will take for you to get better, if you’ll get better, You dont think the day will ever come when they say you’re no longer sick. After I saw my neurosurgeons I had to go see my neuro-oncologist. He was so happy and amazed at how fast the Chemo treatments worked. He said there was no need for me to come back and see him unless a problem comes up but he is very optomistic. Walking out of that cancer center happy and pretty much 100% healthy I had mixed emotions. I was so happy to hear I dont have to go back ( going through the same stuff cancer patients go through is very scary), I was so excited to finally get to think about my future, but then I felt sad and because I started to think about how many people dont get to leave the cancer center like I get to, I felt bad for being happy in a sad place where so much bad news is given and pain is experienced. It got me thinking even more about how short life is and how precious it really is. This past year has deffinatly shown me that amoungst 10000 other things im not sure I would have learned otherwise. It’s crazy how God works, Using terrible, challenging experiances to teach us how to live and love. I can now say I’m blessed to have gone through all of this, to have learned so much and to have survived. Thanks for all the love and support from y’all. Couldn’t have made it through without y’all!!! xoxo
Brittany <3
