18 April 2009

It’s about a year since I first came out of hospital after my bleed, and 4 months post gamma knife. It’s been a long journey… and still not over yet. I’m 40 this year. A year ago I believed I wouldn’t live to see my 40th birthday, (either because I thought the AVM would come back and get me, or I thought I’d do something to myself through not coping). Now I do actually believe my 40th is going to arrive this year!!

I still can’t see properly, I still don’t have much energy, I hallucinate spiders and shadows of people (ha ha - at least I can never say I feel alone), and headaches- they vary in severity. I’ve re-discovered my sense of humour, I’m not so angry with the world any more, and not so hard on myself.

A year ago I thought my whole world had fallen apart, but today I’m looking forward to the future, and actually believe I’ve got a future. I’m getting married (Civil Partnership) next Friday, to the person who’s been right beside me sharing the good and bad every step of the way (catching me when I fell, pushing me when I gave up, and just being there for me).

My thoughts are with anyone who’s struggling with their AVM or the AVM of someone they love right now, because I know what a bad place that can be … hang on in there, because whether we like it or not time will keep moving on. Time might not make things better or easier but it does give the opportunity for things to change.

Congrats on wedding next Friday. I’m wishing you another year of good things. Hang in there !!

Those words are really insightful…I’m sure you give back to your future spouse as much as they give to you. You seem to have learned to look at life differently than most and that is so important in your recovery so congrats on that. Somehow…as difficult as it is every day…we all must find the positive in our situations.
Best wishes on your wedding. Sounds like you have a very special person to share your life with.