Guilty feelings

So today was a bad day, my tn came back striking really hard, talking, washing my face or brushing my teeth is almost impossible, plus some family drama happened with my aunt and its hard for me to control my emotions right now and this causes more hurtful symptoms.

Im finding difficult to express how hard is this for me and my husband to my relatives, im gonna meet my surgeon one day before my birthday that’s on this month and im nervous, also having nightmares about the surgery, I don’t know what the surgeon is going to tell me.

Ah and today I was talking with one of my uncles (the other doesn’t give a shit) he is too much into depra chopra-meditation stuff and long story short he said that i can heal myself because he have an hernia and was going to need an operation but he started meditating also exercising and he didn’t need it…because he is feeling good although he hasn’t checked medically since they found his hernia so basically" I dont need a doctor and i can heal myself and the pain that i feel always is just invented or something like that"

I know that having good thoughts and being optimistic helps to heal but its not like i did this to myself and i can undone it magically without medical attention or can i?

So if my cerebelar avm is congenital why do i feel guilty? :weary: like look what i have done to myself :sob:

Hola Seniora,
It’s tough this road we travel. I try my best not to snap at the people closest to me. I know they mean well.

This is NOT your fault. It’s best to let others believe what they will, but that doesn’t always mean they are right. Unfortunately it is next to impossible to explain your struggle to someone who has not gone through something similar. I have found that so many people play it down like for some reason I am stretching the truth. Because there is so little awareness people just don’t know what to think… It’s not a tumor so somehow that makes it ok in their eyes, and that is really a product of a lack of information.

Don’t let others steal your joy, and if you can try to stay in the today, and keep fear at bay. Fear won’t help so write your questions down for the surgeon as you think of them, and leave them on the paper til you see him again. Sleep if you need sleep, there is NO guilt in that, and hopefully you have some supportive people to count on, even if it’s not every moment of the day. I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers, I hope for a better day for you.Think about the victories, even the smallest, forget about the setbacks. HUGS

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Thank you Lorna that day I felt pretty sad but decided to write what I was feeling in groups of avmers and their kind words gave me hope and make me feel understated. :slight_smile:

God bless, your not alone, this is what we have to deal with, first, then we take on life,work,relationships,and all that social,fit the mold crap,People don’t have a clue,and can’t begin to relate I’m 27+ yrs post surgery,One thing that really helped me was telling people I am not going to try and explain, if your someone how really cares and want to help me,“yes I could use some help,consideration,cooperation”… AVMsurvivors.org. really helps open there eyes, just remember, when you are having a good AVM day, one of us is not,and is need, reach out and stick together : )

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