My AVM surgery was done 27 years ago, the year after Die Hard first came out. I was a newly wed, working for an engineer, a bright and rising star. The AVM changed my job from superior performance to survival. The good news is that my wife stayed with me, but our roles changed. I went from the leader to the follower (of course my wife says it’s always been that way). I couldn’t take charge at work any more. My physical conditioning went from excellent to mediocre.
The good news. We’ve had three kids and the youngest is getting married next year. I’ve changed from rising star to just being an engineer, learning to enjoy what I can do. I’m trying to get back in shape, but I’ve got a long way to go.
This is not 100% success and there’s lots of down times. I’m trying to learn to leave my mistakes and failures in the past rest in the past, but it’s hard. I’m trying to learn how to coach myself in these thoughts of the past and focus on now. I should have died and I’m still alive. It’s Uphill but at least I’m still walking.
It’s funny, I had this exact revelation today! Single for nearly 3 yrs, never married… So is this it for me??? I haven’t had much interest in dating, as I’ve been concentrating on raising my son (His father hasn’t been around in 2 yrs). But the thought of never having a relationship again is quite surreal, isn’t it?
This whole journey is very new to me still. I have only just learned about my condition a month ago from a bleed. But my symptoms have prevented me from returning to work. Or to my life in general.
I feel like I’m going down the rabbit hole very rapidly. So for now, I’m am trying to keep those thoughts at bay.
All is not lost, my friend! “The one” is still out there, somewhere
Yes. I believe the one is still out there. I struggle with regret that I chose poorly when it came to my las girlfriend. I’m not good at dating more than one woman at a time.
Now I struggle with loving myself as I am now. I’ve lost so much. To be honest, I don’t really like me now, let alone love me. Hard to love another when I don’t love me.
Considering all you’ve been through, you’re a lucky man that is married to a woman who didn’t hesitate to shoulder the load. Cherish that.
I, too, am trying to get back in shape. Before the bleed, I was an avid cyclist. I rode so often, along with lifting weights, I could eat, and drink what I wanted, and never tipped the scales above 165. Now, I’m 180. Fortunately I have a great family. While I have lost everything that I worked for, I can relate to your success as an engineer, I have to means to improve things. I recently took delivery of a Peloton stationary bike. It’s so good to ride again. While my Felt F4 will never see the road again, at least with me, I love being able to challenge myself like I did before.
Hopefully, with time, I will come to at least like myself as I am now, and will allow myself to hopefully, meet the woman for me.
Good luck. I dont think you should look down upon yourself. Youve got a new challenge that you didnt plan for. I think we just have to re-frame how we look upon life and set new (different) goals but I dont see a reason to give up.
In regard to the ladies, the right one will be out there somewhere… and the better ones, who will love you for you, will find you when the fickle are long gone. Just be you.
I got a good one but we were both 30 before we met. And the proof of just how good has been since my AVM.
