A Bit of History:

I was dxed with an AVM in 1988 as a result of a major breakdancing, don't recall a thing, seizure on June 17, 1988. The first thing that happened was this loud buzzing in my left ear. I wasn't able to tell whether what I was hearing was real or hallucinating. The next thing I remember I was staring into the face of an angel. It seemed the white-jumpsuited EMT was standing between a bright light and myself. My first thought, "Holy %#&*$, I'm in Heaven." I'm sure God would have understood.

I remember when I was out having really freaky dreams, like a WWI landscape, all grey with blown up trees, and my pet newts, complete with those flat helmets, crawling out of a trench. I think that was my first real epiphany moment.

My friend and I were on the way to Atlantic City for an evening of gambling and carousing and he started having problems with his car. We turned around and started shooting pool at a local tavern.(I was taking stomach medication so I wasn't drinking.) Anyhoo, then came the trips to the neurologists, neurosurgeons, and neuropsychologists. Living in NJ, I had access to some of the best in NYC and Philly. Due to the size (about a tennis ball) and location (language center, I love to talk), radiation, stereotactic, and embolization are out of the question.

Eleven years have past, some of them eventful some not but just a few questions among the crowd:

Do your seizures appear to occur in cycles?

Do you feel that more may be able to be done than the current procedures?

I thank God for the years he has given me and pray he will give me many more.

Update 20 Feb 2000

My narrative was posted in July 1999, since then I have had too minor seizures. One was my fault, fell asleep watching tv and forgot to take my meds. Second one occurred the other day, Wednesday, February 16, 2000.

I have a few more questions to pose to the group.

How many others in this group sleep more soundly knowing that medical science is helping men have erections and heavy people lose weight?

Am I the only one feeling that each day on this Earth isn't granted but stolen?

Just to have one day that I didn't have to take a pill? It's easy for people to wax philosophic about how lucky you are, it could be worse, you know. Until something happens to them, then it's as if the world is going to end.

I'm not bitter about my situation, I just really wish if I was going to win a lottery, the prize should have been a little bit nicer. I don't get depressed about my situation either. Actually, had it not happened I would have drank myself to death. I just wish that my love of life, the desire to hold every minute and taste of it, wasn't based on the knowledge that any microsecond could be my last.

Now, we all know our stories, it's time to break them out of this room and into the rest of the world. Maybe then, Congress can have hearings and throw some money into research to help us. A mind truly is a terrible thing to waste.