It's Wednesday today and I'm feeling really guilty. I hate it when my boyfriend asks me to hang out with him; my answer is always no thanks, or something in that matter. If your wondering yes someone loves me and loves me a lot but I never return it, all he wants is to see me for even a few minutes. My family is frustrated with me because I basically ignore him, but we text.. doesn't that count?? It just makes me feel like a jerk it's a beautiful day out today and I would rather watch t.v inside then spend time with him outside! And it should be obvious why but what if he doesn't catch on and he thinks I'm saying no just because I'm lazy?? I don't want him to think that at all :( And if any of you haven't caught on yet it's because of the way I look. When you have an AVM you could have some paralyzm to your body or your face; luckily for me it's in a lucky spot but not so lucky for someone who lives on her looks so I'm not really living at all. Still no changes in any movement...frustrating, sad, i want to give up it's been about 8 months since the brain bleed and about 5 months since the radiation 3 moths to 3 years till its fully gone and you know i can't wait any longer i'm already stressing out since i have to return to public school in August and I can't even go outside I'm so ashamed and feel embarrassed because of the way I look. I just need some help for people who really understand; my family has no idea they just sit there and criticize me because i don't spend time with my boyfriend :( I feel like I was put back on this earth to suffer.

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Cindy Phillips Comment by Cindy Phillips on September 11, 2010 at 12:52am
I understand what you mean. It is you trying to perserve your dignity & self esteem. I, too, have went through this recently.
misty Comment by misty on April 28, 2010 at 12:42am
Don't give up. Stay positive. Find a hobby you would like to do. Enjoy your boyfriend and his attention. Healing will be slow at first. I felt the same way. Life is a challenge. We are left here to do something special. You are special and blessed because you are a survivor. Continue doing your exercises. It is very important. When you least expected you will notice your body moving better. I am now beginning to walk and the more I walk the more normal it feels. Just pretend you are on a vacation where you are sent to a spa to exercise with all these nice and sometimes cute therapist. Therapist like positive people. Live to your fullest and stay optimistic. If you want to talk I am here to listen.
JW Faith/Hope Comment by JW Faith/Hope on March 16, 2010 at 2:48pm
i think you should have a talk to your family and boyfriend and let them know how you are felling and what are you thinking is too hard to just keep in and fest i understand at the beginning when everything went down i had a droopy face on my left side i also had a brain bleed that caused me to have a stroke when i was in therapy hey would put this electro thing it would shock my face i also had to massage my left side of my face in circular motion so my muscle in my face would regain their strength back so i did and i got my face back to normal i guess and the reason why i say it like that is because sometimes i tend to drool like i use too and tha t freaks me out si start doing the circular massages on my face if you talk to your parents about this there might be something that they can do find someone that can help you are too young to live life ed ashamed and embarrassed from the pic you posted you are a very beautiful girl and i know that your boyfriend would understand you can always ask me anything i am always home so i am on the computer alot the stroke left me with some deficits i cant use my left arm my walking is funny i walk with a cane when i go to public places cause i don't have my balance 100% but i still go to therapy and try to get it down pack i still have hope and faith that everything will go back to normal someday and you should too xox Wendy
Connie T Comment by Connie T on March 11, 2010 at 1:30am
Hi, Katrina. If I am following you correctly, you are embarassed by some form of paralysis that you have. Where is it located? Does your boyfriend know about it?

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