We are AVM survivors, here for your support.

15th December 2008 - I woke up and it was all over!!

Well, I found the courage from somewhere to go through with this gamma thing, after a last minute panic attack, I don't know how I've got through the last 8 months.

I couldn't possibly manage to stay awake for the procedure to be done. It would never have got done, as my BP alone would have caused me to have another bleed. I guess I'm just not as brave as many of you on here. I was terrified. So, instead, I discovered the joys and benefits of Lorazepam in large doses, before being knocked out altogether with a general anaesthetic for 7 hours.

My avm was difficult to locate. It's deep inside my brain. Small but very nasty. I had frame fitted, CT scans, MRI scans and angio, then gamma, and frame removal - all asleep. I woke up completely confused, sat bolt upright, still can't remember a thing of this, apparently accused averyone of lying to me and not doing what they said they were going to do, and then tried to walk off hospital ward - I now feel so ashamed. I've got this banging headache, which I understand is normal. No hair loss expected or numbness as the avm is too deep for any of those things to affect me. Hopefully this will sort the problem out, and I'll be on here in a couple of years time saying I'm avm free.

This site really has been a massive support, and at times has really held me together. Now I'm going to try to concentrate on moving forwards.

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Comment by marianne elizondo on December 23, 2008 at 9:41pm: Hello Loz. Congratulations on a job well done!! You are fabulous. I hope you have the Merriest Christmas and the brightest New Year...Be good to you. Take care of you. You are in my prayers. Don't forget to rest and sleep....so you can enjoy, yes?

Comment by Emma on December 18, 2008 at 10:17am: Well done Loz its all over now tg , your funny trying to get out of the hos ward they were surely not going to keep you there , lol ,

Comment by Brittany on December 17, 2008 at 4:06pm: In my opinion you are just as brave as the rest of us! Anytime that someone has to go through something like this we have to learn to handle it to the best of our abilities. And if that means you need to take a valium or some other kind of drug then so be it. I have personally, never had the gamma knife treatments and luckily my treatment was with a crainiotomy. I'm so glad things went so well for you and I am praying that as soon as possible you will find that you are avm FREE! :)

Comment by Jillian Smyth on December 15, 2008 at 7:00pm: good to hear. take care

Comment by Brian on December 15, 2008 at 6:27pm: Glad you made it through! You're lucky to be asleep. They gave me anti-anxiety drugs (re: valium) and that helped, but I'd rather not remember it.

Comment by Ben Munoz on December 15, 2008 at 6:00pm: Congrats. Now rest up, your brain needs sleep. Now you wait two years. Take it easy in the meantime, spend lots of time with family, and you'll be avm-free before you know it. :)

Comment by amanda good on December 15, 2008 at 5:45pm: Loz you did it, I'm so proud of you!
I must admit there where times, I wondered if you would, but you did it girl
ONWARDS AND UPWARDS xoxox

Comment by Joy on December 15, 2008 at 2:03pm: Great job! I, personally think they should put everyone to sleep- the whole procedure seems so traumatic. It doesn't matter HOW you got thru it, you did. Now another part of this nightmare is done and you can somehow focus on the future, which I will tell you can be difficult as well. But one day at a time is all you can do. First you need to recover from the gamma and feel better. REST REST REST!!!