Not knowing when

What a journey this has been... One moment you are playing in the pool, everything is fine, nothing to warn you of what's about to take place in your life... Then the next day BOOM!!!! Everything changes with just a few words..."Mommy I have a headache!" .... Talk about not your typical headache!!!!!!  Now you're in a hospital beeing transported to another hospital with a 5% chance of survival!!!!!! "How does this happened?" "What did we do wrong?" "What can we do to rewind the clocks?" "What's next?" "God why is this happening?" "Lord save my son's life?" ...... and many more other questions that followed. Now fast forward to after a month in a coma, two months in recovery and continues months in rehab to relearning everything all over again... How to breathe, how to chew, how to blink, how to move, how to speak, how to control all your body functions to commanding your hands and feet to wiggle and now to walking.... Chason has come such a long way from that life changing, life altering moment on June 6th, 2011 and now learning to walk with a cane:-) He is determined to regain all his abilities back and working extremely hard to do it so.... There's always that one question lingering in the air.... "When?" .... Which no one but God can answer to that question.... Beeing a woman of faith, I know my God is able of all things, I know it is in his timing and not ours, I know that faith is believing without seeing, is trusting our Lord without holding back, with no reservations, without any doubts.... Somehow the questions still remains... "When?" ... When will all this be over? When can our lives go back to normal? When can he walk again? When will all this be just a thing of the past? When will my family be able to put the pieces of our lives back together again? When will Chason feel like "Chason" again? "When?" "When?" "When?" .... So many unanswered when questions and all I can say to my children specially to Chason is to hold on to FAITH and God's promise because all things works according to his plan and although we may not understand the "why's?" or the "When's?" ... We can continue to thank him for the blessings we do have which is each other! God saved his life that day and has been healing him still ever since then... Including all of us! Our storm may not be over yet and probably not the last one we will have to face.... Financially draining, emotionally draining, physically draining but spiritually growing!!!! So to all going through this unknown, hard, life changing and life altering roads... Just know that God is here with us and he has a purpose beyond our understanding!!! Hold on to that faith and promise because it will get better!!!! I don't know when but just knowing that he is able and that he promises it will... It's worth holding on to!!!! :-) I don't know when it will get back to normal, I don't know when Chason will play baseball again? I don't know when the girls will get to be just that little girls without all the drives to and from therapies, when we will be financially able.... The unknown.... Remeber God is able!!!! Bless all who continues to hold firm to FAITH and may God show those without FAITH how not to give up HOPE! Hang on to his words! 

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ModeratorPermalink Reply by Suzy E on February 9, 2012 at 11:06am

You are in the right spot. This site is full of information and more importantly people who have been through similar circumstances. What your son needs right now is to see you be strong. It's a long journey (I had to learn to walk again also) but everybody's journey is just a little bit different. Hang in there and if you ever need to vent feel free to do it here. He's very lucky to have you and best of luck to you both.


ModeratorPermalink Reply by Barbara H. on February 9, 2012 at 7:52pm
Amen!
Permalink Reply by Adrian on February 11, 2012 at 12:42am

God bless your words and your family....Amen

Permalink Reply by Willie on February 11, 2012 at 7:18am

Permalink Reply by Nicole L. Hulbert on February 11, 2012 at 11:37am

HVMello Jana, I am nicole. I am a mother And an Avm bleed survivor. My bleed was in 09 and it seems like I have been carrying this cross forever, my point is; as difficult as your situation is with Chason, it is probably 2x as hard for him to be him! The best gift you can give him now is joy and hope! Ask Chason what he wants to do to be happy? he may be well aware what the Lord's plan is for him, don't be afraid to ask him! Let him take the wheel. By the way, we lived in Mims for 5 years until my bleed, and I had to move home to my parent's to get help with my kids. If you watch Oprah, she has a line about "If God, never gives us more than we can handle, he has way too much faith in me!" I bet he had faith in Chason, since he asked him to share this burden, I be Chason knows in his own head what he needs to get better! ask him ourself!
peace,
Nicole

Permalink Reply by Karen W on February 11, 2012 at 12:59pm

I have heard this several times recently and would like to share it with you. And I'm not saying we shouldn't ask God questions (He's God and can handle anything we throw at Him). But we so often ask God when, and even more frequently, why, when we should be asking, WHAT. Lord, what do I do with "this" today? What should I see or learn from this? What can you do through me because of this experience?
Love and prayers to you and yours.

Permalink Reply by Jana on March 4, 2012 at 6:50am

Thank you all for your kind words and prayers<3 I know God has chosen each every single one of us for a reason and together in his graces we are all stronger than sometimes we may think we are:-) I am grateful and blessed to have this outlet where I can share my emotions and not feel like I'm alone<3 Chason is coming along one day at a time .... that's a blessing in itself<3 God bless each and every single one of you<3

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